I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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