Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize