i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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