What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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