I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
