I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
