I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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