Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
