remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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