a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
