she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
