I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
