i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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