if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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