Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
