Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
