Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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