there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
