Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
be right there i have to get my cape
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
