working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
