a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize