How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
