its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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