how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
