omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
