I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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