AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
