OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
