Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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