so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
