She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
being pregnant is like rehab
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
