I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
