you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
