3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize