My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
