He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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