I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
