Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
