so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
