How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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