1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize