I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I pour the whiskey from now on
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
