i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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