He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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