Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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