I need help removing her.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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