Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
