Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
