dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
