i jhust puked up my retainher.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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