He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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