the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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