Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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