She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
