WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
