just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
