So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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