So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
