You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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