Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
