new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
