From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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