Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
