i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
