This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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