Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
