Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize