Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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