I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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