everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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