yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
