i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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