I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
