Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
