She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize