my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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