I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize