I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
