ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
