my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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