Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
