she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
