Soap is not a condiment
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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