Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
