There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
