I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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