A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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