I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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