How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
