is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
