just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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