Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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