i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize