he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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