I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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