I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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