how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
