the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
