hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
