Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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