My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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