He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
