maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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