just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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