We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
