Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
