For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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